Today I wanted to discuss something that is kind of a hard pill to swallow and that's the discussion of whether or not people change… Can they change? Do they change? Will they change for you? Will they change for the better?
To begin, I want to explore a concept that has always slightly blown my mind. It’s what I call “The Constant Stream of Consciousness”. Meaning that a person/being/a life experiences a constant stream of consciousness from the moment it's born until the moment it dies. This consciousness is ongoing and only broken up by daily naps. Our ‘vessel’, our body, our ‘vehicle’; this unit, the ‘meat suit’ that our soul inhabits, our ‘avatar” for planet Earth, it gets tired. It needs fuel, it needs water, it needs sunlight, it needs rest. These are the things that make it go.
Our soul constantly inhabits this vehicle, this fleshy housing structure.
When I envision my soul inside of its vehicle, I see a steam punk style dress form on wheels made out of metal with wooden planks nailed to it, and there's this tiny little light in the center of it and that’s my soul. That's how I envision my housing unit.
When we sleep, we are able to separate ourselves from the physical limitations of planet Earth. The inner voice, our subconscious being, is always a part of us. It’s always there. Even when we are sleeping, it is awake, and that's why we dream. That's why we go places in our minds: our subconscious or our soul gets bored in there!
Imagine if you were inside of a vehicle for 18 hours a day. Let's say you're a truck driver and the first 18 hours of the day you're driving the truck; you're doing something, your mind is occupied. But for the other six hours of the day you're just sitting in that cab while your truck rests. And for the sake of this example, you're not sleeping during those 6 hours; you’re just chilling, waiting for the truck to get a full night’s rest. You're going to get BORED and you're going to find something to do to occupy your time until you can wake your truck back up and start driving again.
So, that's what our soul or subconscious mind is experiencing. When we're sleeping, when we're dreaming, it's off having adventures God-knows-where. It's doing its thing out in the collective consciousness because it gets cooped up inside our minds. It's always on, it doesn't sleep. It's constantly aware, and that's why you must be careful even of the kind of music you listen to or the media you're consuming. Even if you're not paying attention to it, your internal being is still absorbing it. So, it will behoove you to be mindful of what you're subconsciously feeding your brain.
This is what I mean by saying our lives are one big stream of consciousness. Even though we are not aware of every moment of our entire life, something inside of us IS, and it’s managing ALL of that data and forming our outer world based on our reactions to that data. As we grow and we learn how to maneuver in this body, we collect knowledge and information that make it easier for us to navigate through our world.
The things that we learn as a baby by putting everything into our mouths, the feelings we experience being held by our parents, conversations we overhear all become who we are. We come to this planet as a blank book, essentially. The book has a title, it has a synopsis; it has an outline but the words and the minutia are being written as we speak.
You will always be this same book. The book doesn't change. The book is who you are for the entire time you are in this body. As we gain knowledge and grow, the effects are cumulative. You don’t learn something, use it and then it's gone forever. It's still inside you, and everything that you learn, experience and absorb becomes the fabric of who you are… and then, of course, what you see in your outer world.
So, the concept of people changing doesn’t happen exactly the way that we commonly think of it. A person doesn’t become someone new. They can change their behavior but the core of who they are will always remain. You came here with a story already laid out. Your soul chose to come here at the exact moment in time, in your specific body and circumstance, because it had something it wanted to learn. You will continue to experience these lessons over again until you grown from them, and if you don’t, you’ll revisit them in the next life.
Although my behavior has changed throughout the years, and my goals, beliefs, and drives have all changed, I have not. My physical, mental, and emotional states have all shifted, but I'm the same person that I was when I was three and four years old and I was very aware at a very young age.
My first memories are of being a toddler, and I was just this very self-aware being. I somehow knew I was a human with a purpose. Intuitives have told me that I have a very old soul. I would say I believe that because when I entered Earth, I knew things that I shouldn't have known. I was not a blank slate when I came here. I was just a baby, a brand-new baby, but there were so many things that I understood, knew and felt that shouldn't have been possible if I were just this seed that grew and turned into this random creature known as a human being… because that's what evolution tells us.
So who I was even at 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 years old is still who I am, and I very vividly remember myself. I still think the same way. If you’re familiar with my spiritual journey, you’ll know that I was an atheist and was even questioning God at five years old. I just felt like the story my family’s religion was trying to tell us did not add up. My inquisitive, sometimes cynical, but mostly open mind has always been this way. I was who I am now, but in a kid's body. Obviously I didn't have all of the knowledge and the life experience. You have to learn not to touch the hot things, how to act and behave in your respective society and so forth.
What I've learned over the course of my life has shaped the person I've become but this shell has always been. So I think when we consider the concept of people changing, you must know that you can't change the core of who someone is. The soul chooses to come to this planet. It chooses its family, it chooses its body, it chooses its circumstances and when it gets here a veil comes over it and it forgets its true purpose.
But it's still there. It's still the thing that guides us. Deep down we all know it because we all have that thing in us that pushes us towards… something. It's different for every person, but everybody's got it, regardless of what it’s leading you towards. We all have it because we all come to this planet with it.
So, if there’s someone in your life that you want to change, and you want to
change them into something that's radically different from who they are or
if you have someone that is acting in a way that you've never seen before, it's important that you know that the core of who they are has not changed and will not change. They can grow, they can learn lessons, and they can be humbled. They can empathize and put themselves in other people's shoes, and understand the message that says, “Hey, you're not the center of the universe. You should probably quit being a dick to everybody. Nobody likes that.”
But even throughout those lessons you're still going to be yourself. You're still you inside, so you must let go of any idea of changing someone’s core being. You have to accept that whatever it is they are, that's what they are and if you can't deal with that, if that's a deal-breaker for you, it's going to cause you inner turmoil. If that’s the case, you’ll need to separate yourself from this person… and that's okay because we're all here to serve our highest purpose.
If you're with someone whose highest purpose does not align closely enough with yours, your frequencies will clash and neither of you will be able to fully flourish. It will manifest through your relationship. Sometimes we must let people in our lives go in order to be happy. Ralph Smart, aka Infinite Waters, says, “We need to let go of what no longer serves us.” I think that’s a very important lesson. Why hang on to something that is no longer a positive force in your life?
We all have a journey and we all have a purpose. Sometimes those we know aren’t meant to be in our lives for the long haul. Other people enter our lives to fulfill a role. Once that role has been fulfilled they can leave. Holding on too tight to someone that isn’t for us is our way of ignoring the lesson they are meant to teach us. It prevents us from ascending to the next level. It takes us out of the present moment. It makes us think of the things that we lack and the things that we don't have. That's not how to live in abundance.
Trying to force change from someone communicates that they are not okay, which communicates that WE are not okay. Since our world is nothing but a reflection of ourselves pushed out, we will continue to receive things in our lives that communicate ‘we are not okay’. To make sure that we're in line with our divine purpose we shouldn't want others to change for our own selfish reasons and we shouldn't try to change ourselves for theirs.
Yes, we grow, and we learn, and we change our behavior. We change behavior that hurts other people because they're important to us. They make us feel good enough in our lives that we don't want to hurt them. We adjust our behavior and our goals, but we never change who we are. So if there is somebody in your life, whether it's a friend, a lover, a family member, a business partner, etc who appears to have changed or suddenly seems like a different person, I want you to ask yourself, “Have they changed? Or have their priorities, goals, or dreams changed?” Have their needs changed? Has something in their life happened and now they are on a different path or a different trajectory that makes them think of different things than they did when you first met them?
It's not that they're a different person, but what they're striving for, what they're vibrating towards, what they need to feel fulfilled on this planet has changed. That aspect shifts and because of that shift, they are now moving in alignment with something else… hopefully with what makes them happy. If they're going
into alignment with what makes them unhappy, this is energy you don't want to rub off on you.
You don't want that frequency to bring you to that vibration because it's
going to take you off your own path, and as much as we love the other people in our lives, and as much as we want to help them, we’ve got to help “Number One” (YOU) first. You put on your oxygen mask before helping someone else. You must fill your own cup before you can pour from it to fill someone else’s.
What all these euphemisms are saying is that, while yes, it is important to be of service to other people, you must be of service to yourself in order to properly give to other people. So, let them gravitate towards what it is that that they need to do and if they’re gravitating towards something they shouldn't be doing then it's probably their own lesson that they need to learn… and it might be you that’s hindering them. Everyone must go through their own journey. They have to deal with their own demons and learn how to persevere on their own. They’ll never be a self-sufficient person if you're holding on too tight, trying to control everything or trying to determine how they deal with life and its difficulties. You must let them do that on their own!
Another thing to consider if you have someone in your life who is changing or
has changed and left you behind is: why are they leaving you behind? Why are you behind them? If they are growing and you are holding them back, then it's time for you to really look at what you're doing. What are the behaviors that you're exhibiting that could be harming the people that you love, and why are you doing them? It might be time for you to focus on your own spiritual journey and begin making those behavioral, goal, priority, needs/wants/likes shifts in your own life. You’ll either separately grow apart or you'll both grow but you’ll grow together. It will be beautiful no matter what unfolds because everything is happening in divine order.
If something is not meant for you, if a person is not meant for you, if something in your life is no longer serving you, the more you hold on the harder it’s going to be to keep. What you resist persists. If you're resisting somebody leaving you, you're resisting somebody moving on or changing or you're resisting change in your own life you will be continuously met with situations that reinforce the issue until you address it. The best thing you can do for someone is visualize them happy, healthy and whole and let the Universe take care of the rest.
So let go of the reins, let the people in your life be themselves. Let them change because it's their journey to go on, not yours. You have your own journey to go on and you can do it. You have the power, I believe in you!
Roxy Lee